He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
