So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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