Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Randomize