Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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