ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
