dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
