I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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