spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we're so committed to being not committed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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