$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
