he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
dude. I can hear the air.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
