yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
