our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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