I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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