No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
