I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
But break dance skills will only take you so far
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
