my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
