And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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