It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
