If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
