I'm sorry my penis didn't work
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize