so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
