I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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