i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
