i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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