You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
