i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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