Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
