I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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