she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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