I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
