i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize