I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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