I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
