So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
