I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
