You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
