Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i now understand why vodka
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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