Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I still have a little drunk in my system
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
