I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
