we're chasing vodka with high fives
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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