I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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