problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize