Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
