Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize