the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
