Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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