Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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