After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
