never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
