Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
