Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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