then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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