lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im holly from the hills drunk
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
