I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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