I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
