24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
