I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
