I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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