So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize