My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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