You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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