I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
