I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize