my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
