my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
