ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
