Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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