i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
